tightrope dancing

I am a tightrope walker. 
Some days my balance is on song. My arms are out, and I’m graceful. 
Maybe this is because my head is lifted, my focus is up, I’m not thinking about me I’m just trusting that I can keep dancing along that tightrope.
Sometimes it even feels as if God Himself is smiling at my tightrope dancing, heaven applauding, because I’m right where I need to be.

Other days I glance down at my feet. I concentrate too much on what I’m trying to do and I analyse and second-guess and wonder if I can actually do this thing and ohmygosh this tightrope is too skinny, too difficult, I’m not cut out for this, should I just hop off?
I wonder if I can really write, and my photos lack the heart I want for them.
I ask myself if it’s worth studying or trying, and I feel the pull of dark hiding places.
I second-guess my parenting skills and my tea-making skills and hate on my hair, and that little mole on my eyelid that seems to be growing. I stop tightrope dancing and I’m immobilised. 

Then sometimes, when I’m tightrope dancing I look over at someone else’s tightrope and it looks so much easier than mine and it’s not fair, they don’t have a growing mole on their eyelid and everything they are doing seems easy and they know where their tightrope is headed.
I get wobbly as I look over at what they’re doing, and how their tightrope dance looks in comparison to mine. I can’t keep my balance as I glance back and forth, and walk faster on my plain-jane tightrope as I try to keep up.

And then I feel a nudge in my chest, and a whispered reminder to shift my focus, and I breathe and I hear heaven sigh. Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting The Lord means safety.* 
I’m safe. And it doesn’t matter how other people dance, or what they’re dancing to or who they’re dancing for, what matters is me. Whose I am, and where I focus – because that’s where I’ll end go. And maybe I’ll go there gracefully, but probably I’ll wobble and look a bit silly sometimes, but as long as my eyes are fixed where it matters, none of the other stuff does.

Breathe. Dance. Look up.


* Proverbs 29:25

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