I have been nesting. Wild, scrubbing-the-bathroom-to-within-an-inch-of-it’s-life type nesting.
Only I’m not pregnant. With a baby.
But upon careful consideration, I think what I am pregnant with is expectation. And the knowledge that a new season is about to be birthed in my life.
I knew this day would come but I never anticipated just how bitterly sweet it would feel.
My baby girl embarks on her primary school journey tomorrow, and every day she will march to school with her siblings, widen her knowledge of the world around her, and deepen her mark upon it.
And with every march in her light-up Frozen shoes (for which her mama did forgo her desired and much more stylish pair, to the delight of that little and very determined pair of feet) I am simultaneously proud, anxious and exhilarated.
I made it, mamas.
To that little dancing light at the end of what sometimes was a very dark tunnel.
I made it through sleepless nights, milk-soaked bras and puddles of wee in embarrassing places when they toilet trained. I lugged around giant nappy bags, and squeezed wide load prams through small spaces. I learned the knack of car-seat buckling, toddler wrangling and veggie coercing. I’ve sat through more episodes of Play School, Thomas the Tank, and Peppa Pig than I care to imagine. I knew the isolation and the loneliness of those new-mama days, and loved the park dates and play dates and playgroups and mothers groups as I began to find my tribe.
I loved the afternoon naps, and the baby learning-words, toddling babes and watching the wonder of the world through their eyes.
Oh I loved the exhaustingly hard slog of it all, and I’ll miss it more as time goes on and the sweet memories outweigh the bitter.
And walking into this new season I leave no regrets.
I mothered the way I knew how, I tried my absolute best, I showed up every day and loved those tiny babies into the adorable kiddos they are now.
And I’ll keep loving them… and walk away from the school gate doing a happy dance tomorrow.
She’s ready, I’m ready.
Lets do this new thing.