when you feel like there’s more

More and more I realise how fleeting time goes.
It both excites and petrifies me. 
Our baby is six and the endless sleepless nights and toddler wrangling feels like a lifetime ago. Was that even me, the mama with the tiny boy and the even littler girl and the bump who was soon to become this wild and sweet completion of our family? Was that me, who spent long days nursing and making playdoh and having Disney’s Cars on replay?
It was me. It was the life I dreamed of, it is the life I dreamed of. So why then, does it not feel enough? Why do I feel like I’m standing on the precipice and I can’t see any further?!

See, I don’t think I dreamed far enough. Subconsciously the dreaming stopped after the children were born. I don’t know what I saw for myself afterwards.
The mind-movie I rolled through in my head ended abruptly at motherhood.

So when the pregnancies finished and the days of nursing and mornings spent at the park were done and dusted, and my baby went happily off to school full-time this year I have never felt so rattled. I’m living the dream but there’s so much more space around that dream to dream some more. To see bigger, and further. To dream for my family, and my kids.

Dreaming is seeing and what we see we can reach. I saw motherhood. I saw the kind of mother I would be, the kind of family I would have and I’m so grateful to God that it’s here and I have it, and you know what? I’ve even kinda rocked at this motherhood thing. 
But there’s so much more and a whole life to discover it.

Dear Me. It’s not over. That’s not all there is. 
As petrifiying as that may feel, and as narrow and rocky these paths are, on the journey to discovering all that God has for you – its the exhilarating adventure that you’re called to. 

Go get ’em.

xo

 

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